


If Life is a Joke then Why are we Laughing?

by bopbopbiddyboo



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Character Death, Depression, Friendship, Gen, i don't even know why i am writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-18
Updated: 2013-08-26
Packaged: 2017-12-23 21:50:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/931462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bopbopbiddyboo/pseuds/bopbopbiddyboo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Time takes care of the wound, so I can believe..."   - Jeff Buckley</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Bilbo Baggins was mourning but definitely wasn't crying. Ever since the day when he heard the news about the tragic mishap of his beloved parents, tears never came to visit him. He was so shocked and scared. He felt numb to the core. It’s as if all of his senses were inching slowly away from him. Everything felt so gloomy and painful especially in his chest. There is only enough pain a man can take and this...</p>
<p>this is just all too much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cold Soul

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time in writing Fan fiction. This is unbeta'd so if you found something weird or wrong, feel free to point it so i can fix them. I originally written it for my amusement then my sister saw and read it, and she told me to post it. I just really need to post it before i can hate myself for doing it. Please, please, please let me know if you are reading it and like it. Kudos, comments, Bookmarks, are very much appreciated whether it is good or bad :)) Thank you!

_______________________________________

CHAPTER 1  


He was mourning but definitely not crying. Ever since the day he heard the news about the tragic mishap of his beloved parents, tears never came to visit him. He was so shocked and scared. There were just too many questions requiring his poor brain’s attention. _What now? What will happen to me now? Why all of this has to happen? How can I move forward when a part of me is unable to function properly?_  


He felt numb to the core. It’s as if all of his senses were inching slowly away from him. Everything felt so gloomy and painful especially around his chest. There is only enough pain a man can take and this, this is all too much.  


_No._  


This is all not true. He must have been dreaming, he must be in a middle of a nightmare. He needed to wake up. _Relax. Don’t Panic. Breathe in and breathe out. I need to get out of this place right now. This is not funny. No, not funny at all. Quick! I should wake up. I don’t want to be stuck in this horrible place. I should…_  


_Oh._ Suddenly, he felt the cold wind brushed against his face and the musky damp smell of the grasses overrode his sense of smell. He wasn't dreaming. Grief hit him hard and he almost hurled by it. Heart throbbed painfully fast against his chest. He realized that he was still standing between his parents newly made grave. He didn't remember being here or being at the burial ceremony. He looked around and saw that no one was left anymore except for him. Good. The sky was grey above him as though it will rain soon. The cemetery looks unkempt. Dried leaves were everywhere and the angel statues looked scary because of the growing moss on its body. Around him was a deafening silence except for his breathing and the thumping on his chest. Solitude and sadness was dawning on him.  


His eyes were downcast and he was lost in thought again. He looks miserable and tired. He hadn't got any sleep for a week. His once too rounded stomach was now gone, leaving him a skinny frame that he wasn't used to. He hadn't eaten a proper meal. _It will all be okay. I just need few more days to adjust to everything. I need be strong. But how can I?_  


He didn’t notice the careful steps of a man behind him. The man, just like him, wore a black coat and trouser, white t-shirt underneath. “Bilbo,” said the man as he reached Bilbo.  


The soft and worried voice of his friend, Hamfast Gamgee, pulled him out of his reverie. He just stared at his old friend’s face then to the hands upon his shoulders.  


“Bilbo, rain might come soon. I can’t risk you having cold and soak wet. Come on, you need to head home now.” Hamfast said. _Home? I don’t have a home anymore. They are gone. It was all gone._  
“I’m fine. Just leave me here.” Bilbo pulled his coat tightly around him. He sensed his friend’s irritation and looked up at him.  


“No, you are definitely not fine Bilbo Baggins. I swear, If you keep on being this stubborn, I will drag you to your house, one way or the other,” Hamfast saw Bilbo shooting him a deadly glare. It didn’t do much to scare him. He was rather used to it, seeing it all the time when they’re still kids. “You coming with me or not,” he raised an eyebrow. He knows Bilbo is grieving but he can’t let his friend die of starvation and fatigue. There has been enough death already.  


Bilbo frowned. He looked at his parents’ grave one last time. _Hamfast is right, I am not fine. I haven’t eaten or slept for days. Hah! Dad and Mom must be rolling off their graves right now._ He can’t stay here. He still needs to arrange some documents that have been left for him. “Okay. I’ll go with you,” his voice is hoarse due to long time of being unused.  


Hamfast just nodded. He spared a look on the graves of Bilbo’s parents. “They are in Heaven now Bilbo, so don’t you worry. They will watch and guide you all the time from up above. I understand that you’re sad and there is no guarantee that it will be okay again. But I am here, the rest of your family does too. We’re here to take care of you. We won’t let anything harm come to you.” Smiling as he said.  


“I know. Thank you.” Bilbo said. He shot a genuine smile towards his friend. He hopes Hamfast’s right. He looked up above from where he believed his parents are. His lips trembled and his eyes felt watery. After a moment, he moved his hand to his cheeks. He stared at his damp hand. He is crying. Oh how good does it felt? It’s though half of the weight he is feeling for a week decreased a little. The wind continues on brushing against his damp cheeks. He sniffed. He felt the warm hand of his friends’ on his back, comforting him. And it is such a welcoming affection. He looked at Hamfast. He wounded up his arms into his friend’s waist and buried his face into his chest, continuing his sob against it. It is nice and warm and homely.  


Hamfast embraced him back, his face buried into Bilbo’s dirty blonde curls. “SShhh Bilbo, shhh. It’s fine. You can cry all you want. It won’t show you as weak. Shhh I’m here,” he said as he moved his hands at Bilbo’s back in a comforting way.  


“Thank you so much Hamfast. I am glad you’re here. I don’t know what I will do without you. Thank you,” Bilbo said. He felt the tiredness all over his body. His whole body is trembling. Perhaps, if his friend isn’t here, he might only just stare at nothingness at all and feeling sickeningly miserable. He sensed the dizziness on his head so he grasped at his friend shirt for support.  


“Come on, let’s get you home now.” They untangled themselves from each other and began in walking towards Hamfast car. Bilbo drifted into sleep in a minute. After 15 minutes of driving towards Bilbo’s house, Hamfast saw him asleep in the passenger seat. He carried his friend inside the house until they are in Bilbo’s bedroom. “Sleep tight Bilbo.” He said as he put him into the bed and tucked him into the blanket. He closed the door to the room and went home.  


__________________________________

Lighting flashed across the sky and the thunder rolls deafeningly. Rain started pouring out of the clouds. As heavy rain came crashing on the roof of Bag End, Bilbo visited the land of dreams. There he saw his Mother and Father smiling at him. Both of them were standing on a hilltop. The clouds were a mixed shade of Pink and Orange, the trees were shining gold and the grass beneath his booted feet was a deep hue of yellow. Everything looks gaudy nonetheless he didn’t mind it at all. Instead, he ran en route his parents and embraced them as tightly as he could. They were all laughing and sobbing at the same time. Oh how deeply he wishes to remain here forever with his parents. But he can’t. There are still things that he left into the physical world. There are still people who needed him.  


Abruptly, his Mother and Fathers’ form became distorted and gas like in appearance. He panicked and reached out for them. But they were gone already. _No! No! Mom! Dad! Please don’t leave me! Please!_ He buried his face to both of his hands and sobbed. He heard a faint noise to where his parents had been. The ground beneath him opened up and formed a dark crevice. It swallowed him whole. Darkness crept up into his skin making him shiver.  


He woke up with beads of sweat trickling from his forehead and his chest. _Oh that was just a dream._ “Good gracious,” he breathed out. He was panting as he stood and headed for the kitchen. He drank a glass of water and stayed leaning in the counter for an hour. He knew that it was still too early in the morning but he decided not to go back sleeping again. He’s scared. Besides, the bed is too cold for him.  


It is not just the bed mind you.  


It is the whole house.  


_It is too cold._


	2. Laugh ya'll Poor Souls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for late update! here is another chapter! enjoi xo

CHAPTER 2

The first ray of sun hits the floorboards of Bilbo’s room. Cool summer breeze seeped through the tiny crack between his floor to ceiling balcony windows and the chirping of the birds woke him up. He remembered coming back to his room last night after two hours of deep contemplation about what his life will turn to. He yawned and stretched his arms and legs. “Good Morning,” he whispered to the air, eyes tracing the light coming from his windows on the ceiling. He didn’t feel like leaving his bed or eating breakfast. He is too tired to do anything but lie on his bed sheets. Besides, his bed is warm now and the blankets might felt betrayed when he leave, _It is better this way_. His stomach grumbles. Instead of getting up and having some hearty breakfast, he rolled into his side and cried. He reminisced the mornings when his parents were still with him. His mother would always come into his bedroom to wake him up, “Bilbo, sweety, Morning is waiting for you and we wouldn’t want you being late. Get up now Darling,” and she would kiss him on the temple. She would go to his room every day until she died…

His dear Mother and her sweet smile, the way the sunshine would emphasize her cheekbones and her full lips, her hair would shone like a spun of gold in the light and they are gone.

Gone. Gone like a speed of light. She was gone.

“No no no no, no it can’t be. Mom!” he stood up, crying, he ran passed the hallway and headed to his parents' bedroom opposite his. He slammed open the door and went inside, “Mom! Mom! Where are you? Dad? Mom? Moooomm!! Daaaaaad!” his panic risen voice echoed around the house. He sobbed and dropped to the floor. He clutched his knees to his chest and cried. “Nooo000! Why did you left me?? I need you both? Whyyy?? Why did it have to happen? No. No. You all got to be joking!!!!” his tears soaked the neckline of his t-shirt. He just stayed at that position for a long time. How much time, he never knows. It is until Hamfast came and dragged him out of his parents’ room. He’s still crying as they both made their way into his kitchen. “Hamfast,” he clutched his friend’s clothes and looked at him in the eyes, his voice croaked. “Will they be ever going back?” his face look stricken with fear and hope and Hamfast have to look at anything but Bilbo.

“No Bilbo. No. They won’t ever come back anymore. But they are always alive inside of you, in your heart they will reside forever. You shouldn’t be too hard on yourself. Your parents’ won’t be happy seeing you so sad and miserable,” Hamfast face look stoic as he said it. He felt like crying too but decided to look strong for his friend. He has to. He made a promise to Bilbo’s parents’ that he will take of him and make him alive again. He scanned his friends’ form. Unruly curls, crumpled shirt, tear stained face and bloodshotted eyes, GOD, Bilbo looks really wretched. “You seem to need some food in your system. I cooked bacon and eggs. And I bought fresh bagels by the bakery. You like them right? Come on, let’s eat.” He lead his friend to the table, “Sit,” he rose and eyebrow at Bilbo when he look as if he was about to protest “I won’t have any of your ‘I’m not hungry Hamfast and I am perfectly fine’ excuses again Bilbo. Eat or I will make you eat,” with that, they both started eating. Silence aired above them but they heed no mind to it.

“Bilbo, I think you need to see a therapist---“ Hamfast was cut off by his friend.

“What? Do you think I am crazy?? I may have lost my parents’ but I AM NOT FUCKING CRAZY! GOD DAMMIT HAMFAST!!” Bilbo slammed his fist into the table and walked out of the house. _I am not crazy. I am not. Whatever Hamfast is suggesting is completely ridiculous._ He went to their garden and sat at the grass. He heard the footstep of his friend behind him. _Ignore him Bilbo, he will walk away soon._ He was wrong.

Hamfast sat beside him and said “I know you’re not crazy Bilbo. It is just that I worry about your condition. You’re mourning and I know that. But you look so depressed. I’m scared that depression might trigger you to—“he stopped at that and bit his lower lip. He gazed at his friend and his eyes were on the verge of crying.

Realization hits Bilbo. _Right. I am. I am depressed. But who wouldn’t be?_ After all, he has the right to be depressed. He lost two people very dear to him. 

“…end my life?” Bilbo looked up at his friend. Hamfast nodded. _He's got a point in there. There wouldn’t be harm in agreeing anyway._ “Okay. You’re right. Very.” He snorted. He looked up at the sky. 

Hamfast stared at his friend. He brought his right hand to Bilbo’s left shoulder. His friend gazed at him. They held each other’s eyes and they both laughed. “God Bilbo, you look ugly!! ahahahAHHAHAahahhaha” he clutched his right side as he spoke. 

“You are RIDICULOUS AND FAT! HAMFATTSS!! AHAHAahhahaAHAH!!” Bilbo said. He didn’t even know why they are laughing. But he welcomed the feeling at any case.

“HAmFATS?? You’re rude! Well, you look like a stick! A wAlking Stick!!” he punched Bilbo in the arm. 

“Fuck you HAmFats! I am not a stick!” he threw a punch back at Hamfats, Hamfast I mean. 

And they threw punches at each other mixed with kicks and war cries like:

“Take that you stupid ugly stick!”

“Hah, you deserve that Hamfats!”

They continued bullying each other until the sun rose at its highest peak. They paid no mind at their grumbling stomachs. They even threw grasses and rocks at each other. Oh how it felt good, seeing each other’s faces painted with delight and sparks. 

“Stop! Stop! Okay, I got it. I am a stick and a stick needs to eat now. Come on Hamfats, let’s head inside and eat. You will cook!” Bilbo said. He stood up and brushed away some grasses on his clothes and hair.

“Hmph, okay I will cook today but next time, it’s your turn.” Hamfast stood up too. He elbowed Bilbo in the chest. It ended up in elbowing each other as they made their way inside the house. 

They look lovely and childish at the same time. _‘Problems can go worried themselves tomorrow’_ Bilbo thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> err, i don't think Bilbo's depressed here. Thank you for reading! :)

**Author's Note:**

> As you can see, English is not really my Mother Tongue and i still don't have any ideas where this story will go. 
> 
> Before i forgot, the lines that were italicized were Bilbo's. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! :)


End file.
